Hash 6

Boulder

This turned out to be my wife’s first hash.

We met the group at the Boulder Brewing Company. Both of the hares looked muddy and full of burs which gave us a warning of things to come. After a quick chalk talk, we were off.

Nothing to spectacular at the start, just simple paved trails and easy checks. About a mile into it, we came to a check where the trail split into two directions in front of a fenced off baseball field. I thought this would have been a great place to make us climb the fence, but the pack split in two. Both directions turned out to be false trails and we climbed the fence to see the trail head through the baseball field, which lead to another vacant field where we wondered aimlessly until we found trail on a bike path next to a stream. I told my wife that we will most likely be crossing that stream at some point.

After a rather long check back, the trail took us across the stream, into the forest and to our first beer check. Here we talked about the best movies where people get eaten by pigs. Tongue Hole pointed out that Speedbump had already lost the trail and would most likely miss the beer check. The guy with the shirt that read, “Meat is Murder, Tasty Tasty Murder” asked if we should try and find Speedbump. The reply came, “Why would we want to find him? He’s a lawyer.”

As we took off back down the trail which made us cross the stream once again, we ran into Little Head wandering through the forest. In an effort to short cut the trail he got lost and found us by following marks from an old trail. He led several hounds on the imaginary route he took to get there and the rest of us followed the actual trail.

At the next stream crossing, Big Pimp decided she was too drunk to cross and looked for a bridge. By the time we made it out of the forest, only four of us remained. I got a cactus needle in my shoe and had to run the rest of the trail barefoot. The trail led us down some railroad tracks, through a small hobo village and into an office park.

At the circle, Speedbump asked why there was no beer check. I had to drink for having a private party when WWWWWayne asked if I would drive up to Ft. Collins and give him a ride to the next Denver Hash. With the torch Speedbump found on his personal trail, he demonstrated how Hashers can turn anything into a phallic symbol.

Not that it was a race, but the pregnant lady finished first.