Hash 6

Boulder

This turned out to be my wife’s first hash.

We met the group at the Boulder Brewing Company. Both of the hares looked muddy and full of burs which gave us a warning of things to come. After a quick chalk talk, we were off.

Nothing to spectacular at the start, just simple paved trails and easy checks. About a mile into it, we came to a check where the trail split into two directions in front of a fenced off baseball field. I thought this would have been a great place to make us climb the fence, but the pack split in two. Both directions turned out to be false trails and we climbed the fence to see the trail head through the baseball field, which lead to another vacant field where we wondered aimlessly until we found trail on a bike path next to a stream. I told my wife that we will most likely be crossing that stream at some point.

After a rather long check back, the trail took us across the stream, into the forest and to our first beer check. Here we talked about the best movies where people get eaten by pigs. Tongue Hole pointed out that Speedbump had already lost the trail and would most likely miss the beer check. The guy with the shirt that read, “Meat is Murder, Tasty Tasty Murder” asked if we should try and find Speedbump. The reply came, “Why would we want to find him? He’s a lawyer.”

As we took off back down the trail which made us cross the stream once again, we ran into Little Head wandering through the forest. In an effort to short cut the trail he got lost and found us by following marks from an old trail. He led several hounds on the imaginary route he took to get there and the rest of us followed the actual trail.

At the next stream crossing, Big Pimp decided she was too drunk to cross and looked for a bridge. By the time we made it out of the forest, only four of us remained. I got a cactus needle in my shoe and had to run the rest of the trail barefoot. The trail led us down some railroad tracks, through a small hobo village and into an office park.

At the circle, Speedbump asked why there was no beer check. I had to drink for having a private party when WWWWWayne asked if I would drive up to Ft. Collins and give him a ride to the next Denver Hash. With the torch Speedbump found on his personal trail, he demonstrated how Hashers can turn anything into a phallic symbol.

Not that it was a race, but the pregnant lady finished first.

Full Moon Hash

My third hash and first full moon hash. I started off wandering the parking lot looking for the other hashers. As it closed in on 7:00, I thought maybe I had the date wrong. That is until, a guy in a small sport's car pulled up next to me and asked, "RU?" I replied with the traditional, "On-on." He told the group is most likely at the bar. Where was my brain, of course this group would be at the bar. I went back to my car to get my re-gift, (the theme for the night), and saw the hares coming off the trail. We did the RU and on-on and they told me to forget what I just saw. It didn't matter since the trail had nothing to do with the location they just came from.

The run started off like any other just in the dark. I don't know if it's because I'm still a probie but not many brought flashlights. The guy from the sports car, he brought a gigantic spotlight.

It seemed like each time we reached a check all directions led to false trails. We eventually gave up on the symbols and found the true trails beyond the false marks. At the halfway point the beer check was at Hooters. We stayed a little longer than most beer checks.

Back out on the trail we followed all the false symbols and eventually landed at quite the dive bar. I don't know who were the strange ones, us or the regulars in this place.

The circle went without incident but I did see someone get their name. Before the ceremony, they asked him his favorite this and that. When asked his favorite farm animal, he thought for a long time and eventually said, "cow."

All those with Just in their name had to leave while they voted on a new name for this guy. At the bar I said to him, "Well it looks like tonight you become a man."

He had this expression of terror on his face and replied, "Why did I say cow?"

I will be one of the hares for the March full moon run.